This week, I went through another emotional-roller-coaster. Last Tuesday, I came out from the MRI examination room, waiting hopelessly and anxiously for the results of the MRI about my left hip pain. I was sitting there waiting, in the waiting room. In my head it was clear, the pain was caused by another muscle lesion, like the previous times. I was just waiting for the doctor to come out and announce that to me. While waiting, I wrote this:
“Things don’t always happen as expected in life. Last Friday, i was expecting a busy busy week to come, with my schedule packed with rehearsals of two ballets “Sleight of Hand” and “Speak for yourself” in which I am casted, and business classes and more. I was looking forward to these challenges, I like being busy, it feels productive when you’re busy. And how exciting to be dancing in two new ballers by Paul Lightfoot and Sol Léon that I really like! Friday night, feeling some satisfying tiredness and excitement for the weekend to come, I started planning my schedule for the next week.
Saturday morning, at the moment I woke up, something was wrong. I could feel my psoas muscle screaming in front of my hip. I didn’t take it very seriously, I thought “how is that possible? I was feeling so well yesterday evening! Or what happened during my sleep?”.
Yesterday, Monday, I was back in…………………”
Just as I finished writing that, the doctor, who was in a hurry because his friend (my doctor at the Opera) asked him to see me in between two bookings, came out and told me,
“Mr. Lam? I am sorry, I am in a hurry, but your hip is fine, don’t worry. I have to go but here are the images, go and get the results upstairs, bye!”
At that moment, I thought, Okay, doctors don’t always want to confront with their patients’ sadness or disappointment while announcing them the very truth, often a bad news.
I got the report, and it read: no abnormal conditions observed.
What really? Is my hip really completely okay? I have been sleepless for a whole night asking myself why I hurt myself again. What I could feel was exactly the same as the last times when I hurt my psoas, which made me stop dancing for months. I was so prepared of loosing this precious opportunity to work and to perform in this Lightfoot production. I also wondered why my Life, my destiny keep taking these opportunities from me. I told myself, Oh, everything happens for a reason. Life wants to strengthen my emotional intelligence, or oh, maybe I wasn’t meant to do this production………. and many other thoughts of the sort. Meanwhile, the pain was still there, there must be something wrong with the report or the doctor’s diagnosis.
Saturday today, I had a whole week of intense rehearsals. And the pain is gone. My hip really turned out to be totally alright!
Voilà, that is how I scared myself. Now, I appreciate each rehearsal, I cherish every moment even more, more than ever.